How to Teach "Give Me" to an Autistic Child
Unlike requesting a specific favourite snack, "give me" is a general-purpose tool, useful for a toy passed too quickly, a turn that ended too soon, an object out of reach for a moment. It is small, but it covers a lot of everyday ground once it is solid.
Teaching "give me" works well through a simple back-and-forth game: hand your child an item briefly, then hold your hand out expectantly for it to come back, prompting a consistent gesture, word, or picture card each time. Because it is a generalized request rather than tied to one object, it needs deliberate, repeated practice across different items and people before it reliably transfers beyond the original teaching setup.
Why "Give Me" Needs Its Own Teaching
Most early requests are tied to one specific, motivating item, a snack, a toy. "Give me" is different, it is a generalized request meant to work across almost any object. Verbal behavior research notes that certain high-utility, generalized responses do not automatically emerge just from teaching item-specific requests, they need their own deliberate teaching sequence, precisely because their whole value lies in working across many different situations.
The Easiest Way to Start
A brief back-and-forth game creates the perfect natural setup: hand your child an item, let them hold it for a moment, then hold your own hand out expectantly, waiting for the item to come back. This mirrors exactly the situation "give me" is meant for, and it is repeatable dozens of times in a single play session.
Passing a ball
Rolling or handing a ball back and forth naturally requires the "give me" exchange each turn.
Taking turns with a toy
A brief turn with a toy, then an expectant hand held out, sets up the same request repeatedly.
Handing over an object to examine
Giving your child something interesting to look at briefly, then requesting it back.
Step-by-Step Teaching Sequence
- Choose the format. An open-hand gesture, a spoken phrase, or a picture card, matched to your child's current communication approach.
- Hand over an item briefly. Let your child hold it for a few seconds during a natural game.
- Hold your hand out and wait. Pause expectantly rather than immediately taking the item back.
- Prompt if needed. Physically guide the gesture, word, or card exchange the first several times.
- Respond warmly the moment it happens. Immediate, genuine acknowledgment reinforces the exchange.
- Repeat across different items and people. Practise with several objects and other family members to build real generalization.
Checking It Has Really Generalized
A response that only appears with one specific toy or one specific person has not yet fully generalized. Test with a new, previously unused object, and with a different family member, to confirm the skill transfers beyond the original teaching setup.
Frequently Asked Questions
Why teach give me as its own specific skill?
Give me is a generalized request that works across many different items and situations, unlike a request tied to one specific object. Verbal behavior research notes that certain specific, high-utility responses need deliberate, individual teaching because they do not emerge automatically from general requesting practice alone.
What is the easiest scenario to start teaching give me in?
A game where an item is briefly handed to your child and then held out expectantly, such as passing a ball back and forth, gives a natural, low-pressure, repeatable setup. Getting an item briefly and needing to return it also creates a genuine functional use for the phrase.
Should I teach a sign, a spoken word, or a picture card for give me?
Whichever format matches your child's current communication approach. A physical open-hand gesture is often the most naturally imitated starting point, and it can be paired with a spoken word or a picture card as your child's broader communication system develops.
How do I know if my child actually understands give me versus just imitating a gesture?
Genuine understanding shows up when the response happens across different items and different people, not only in the one practised scenario. Testing the response with a new object or a different family member is a reasonable way to check generalization.
What if my child grabs instead of using the give me signal?
Gently guide the hand back to the correct gesture or card before delivering the item, rather than rewarding the grab. Consistency here matters, if grabbing occasionally works, it will continue alongside the taught response instead of being replaced by it.
How long does it typically take to teach give me?
Many children show an early response within a few sessions once genuine back-and-forth play opportunities are set up consistently, though full generalization across items and people usually takes longer, often several weeks of regular practice.
Can give me be taught before other requesting skills?
Yes, and for some children it is easier to teach early precisely because the back-and-forth game format is simple and repeatable, giving frequent practice opportunities in a short amount of time.
Does give me work the same way for AAC users?
Yes, a dedicated give me button or symbol on an AAC device or picture board works the same way as a gesture or spoken word, and the same back-and-forth game setup applies for teaching it.
Not sure which early communication skills to focus on first?
Our free tool helps you build a support profile in a few minutes, a useful starting point before choosing a priority.
Free Sensory Profile & Support Tool for Parents →Sources: DSM-5, WHO ICD-11, Sundberg & Michael (2001), Behavior Modification, 25(5), 698-724, Action for Autism India.